George Carlin Is Gone
Celebrities die. It's kind of a routine, you open the paper, get a few pages into it, see the story. If my wife is nearby I'll say, "Wow, So-and-so died." We'll exchange a comment on that, finish our coffee. You lose track -- one of the core sites on the Internet is Dead or Alive, where you can look up people and see if they're still alive or not. I wanted this yesterday, I heard a guy on the radio and couldn't remember if he was dead. He's not, it turned out, but I wasn't sure. Sometimes you just can't remember if the person is still alive.
Sometimes, though, one will hit you. I'm sure it's different for everybody, but hearing that George Carlin had died really got me. I remember him as a clean-cut young man on Ed Sullivan and Johnny Carson, just a little bit over the edge -- he was not as radical as Lenny Bruce and some of them that couldn't get on TV, but he definitely challenged the status quo, let us say. Then at some point he showed up with long hair, and the cat was out of the bag. From there on he grew into the model Cranky Old Man, the guy who simply refuses to grow up and accept the ridiculousness of life. He was old-school and progressive at the same time, without contradiction, a guy who loved his culture and participated in it to the hilt, without being suckered by the illusions.
Hullaballoo has the perfect quote today for remembering our friend George:
George Carlin's passing really does seem like the end of an era. I'll leave it at that.
Sometimes, though, one will hit you. I'm sure it's different for everybody, but hearing that George Carlin had died really got me. I remember him as a clean-cut young man on Ed Sullivan and Johnny Carson, just a little bit over the edge -- he was not as radical as Lenny Bruce and some of them that couldn't get on TV, but he definitely challenged the status quo, let us say. Then at some point he showed up with long hair, and the cat was out of the bag. From there on he grew into the model Cranky Old Man, the guy who simply refuses to grow up and accept the ridiculousness of life. He was old-school and progressive at the same time, without contradiction, a guy who loved his culture and participated in it to the hilt, without being suckered by the illusions.
Hullaballoo has the perfect quote today for remembering our friend George:
"Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll to to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ...And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money! [...] I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to God are all answered at about the same 50-percent rate. [...] Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes. And let's not nail the lift to the natives' feet."
George Carlin's passing really does seem like the end of an era. I'll leave it at that.
posted by JimK at 9:15 AM
2 Comments:
*In My Next Life*
*By George Carlin*
I want to live my next life backwards:
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then .. You finish off as an orgasm.
*I rest my case.*
George Carlin's New Rules for 2007:
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com!
There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days--mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label.
And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you Just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter"
again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant.
You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule : Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait! They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying" Do you want fries with that?"
You know, it's sad-- and telling.
All the funny things Carlin said and Jim zeroes in on a not very original atheist rant.
Odd how obsessed with religion atheists are. Apparently, convincing themselves God doesn't exist takes a great deal of effort.
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