How the Double Standard Works Against Guys

Here's some research that begins to illuminate a fascinating issue that our society will eventually have to deal with head-on. From Canada's National Post:

Women have long complained that men enjoy a double standard when it comes to sexual behaviour, but a new Canadian study reveals a shift which actually puts more sexual limitations on men, while lifting those on women.

That men are traditionally high-fived for wantonness while women are often pegged as sluttish has been an age-old watercooler discussion, a point of contention among those seeking to level what they consider an unfair playing field.

But the reality, according to the study, is that men are not totally unconstrained. Instead, they are more limited by what is considered taboo in the bedroom; hit by a new double standard that expects men to be highly sexual, and yet expects them to be less experimental - while the opposite is true for women. The new sexual double standard

Every college campus has a Women's Studies department, women have tons of books on how to explore their sexuality, magazine articles about how to experience more sexual enjoyment and how to be a more satisfying partner. Guys have porn, woo-hoo. For men the goal of sex is to score, with no extra points for style, technique, or results. Is there a Men's Studies department anywhere? Maybe there is, I'm just asking.

The study, published in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, found that society accords men less "sexual latitude" than women, deeming it abnormal for a man to be disinterested in sex, to engage in homosexual fantasy, and to engage in submissive sexual acts.

"The double standard used to give men more sexual freedom than women, but these findings indicate that the dynamic is changing" said Alex McKay, research coordinator for the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada. "Men are forced to abide by a certain gender role, while women are today more free to be themselves. In this sense, the standard actually works against the man."

In our local controversies over sexual orientation and gender identity, this double standard is revealed in the fixation that certain groups of nutty people have with men who violate commonplace social expectations. You won't hear the Citizens for a Responsible Whatever complaining about lesbians, or about people raised as girls who take on a male gender identity in adulthood. It's all about gay men and transgender people who have transitioned from male to female. The pressure is on guys to be regular straight guys.

(I did think there is an ironic anomaly in this particular article saying that "women are often pegged" ... oh, never mind...)

Do you ever watch Craig Ferguson, that Scottish talk-show host who's on late-late? The guy is great, he's funny and I am blown away by how fast he is at improvising really funny stuff. Like once I was watching, and some beautiful glamorous actress was on, and she said "I do a lot of international traveling." And Ferguson said, "Do you? I eat at International House of Pancakes a lot. I love their Rooty Tooty Fresh 'n' Fruity," totally diverting her intended self-serving conversational trajectory. I wish I could think of things like that.

He does something that I think is really funny and good, which is that he makes jokes sometimes that imply he might be gay, and the joke is that you can't tell, maybe he really would like to get trapped in an elevator with Brad Pitt. Well, I understand he recently married a woman, but ... a number of ministers and Republican politicians have recently proven that that doesn't mean anything. Anyway, I take it as a healthy thing, he doesn't need to convince you that he's a straight guy, he is what he is and it's your choice to like him or not. In my mind that contrasts favorably with the Larry the Cable Guy kind of man, where every joke is about how straight he is, on some level.

Guys, this is a trap. Women are learning to enjoy sex and all we're doing is keeping score. You're going to wonder why there are articles like THIS out there, why some women are losing interest in men as romantic partners.

The researchers say the findings "underscore the conflictive nature of the sexual double standard when applied to men ... It demands that they evidence greater interest in sexual matters, yet also requires that this interest be channelled into modes of expression that are ‘socially appropriate.'"

One reason for why a greater number of "non-normative" behaviours are considered acceptable for women is that women are allowed to take on both dominant and subordinate sexual roles; men are not given that same exploratory space.

"Men have a clear idea of what's acceptable," said Sue McGarvie, sex therapist and radio personality. "They're more concerned about maintaining their macho persona. It's as if they think they need to have sex standing up with their boots on in order to show their manliness."

As women's tastes get more refined and their standards go up, old-fashioned Neanderthal men become less appealing to them. This creates a niche for men who are, shall we say, "liberated." If women are learning to explore and enjoy the many dimensions of their sexuality, why would they want to spend their evenings with a one-dimensional lover? Guys are going to have to change.

The study, by Todd Morrison, a psychology professor at the University of Saskatchewan, calls for a deeper look into the impact of these new dynamics on men.

"Greater research attention should be given to the burden that some men may experience as a function of exposure to a sexual double standard that demands they evidence an interest in sexuality and should lead and control sexual interactions," the study said.

That a greater number of sexual behaviours are considered normal, and desirable, for women exemplifies the trend that more once-taboo sexual behaviours are making their way out of what the study refers to as the "outer limits" and into what it calls the "charmed category."

For example, society now appears to accept the idea that married men and women masturbate, something that just over a decade ago was a "major area of contest," the study said.

But, while the study in a sense debunks the notion that men have the upper hand in the sexual arena, so too does it reveal that certain aspects of the traditional double standard are still at play.

When it comes to the traditional notion that it is more acceptable for men to watch pornography or be sexually active, for example, the study shows that women deem men's sexual prowess as more acceptable than their own, embracing their role as the gender of lesser promiscuity.

"Women, in certain ways, were shown to accept the longstanding double standard," said Mr. McKay.

This is very complicated and intriguing stuff. Our society underwent a revolution fifty years or so ago, and we have come a long way but we are still in transition. Women work with men, women vote, alimony can go either way, companies offer maternity leave, we worry about glass ceilings ... a lot has changed. And a lot has stayed the same. Now it's time for the other shoe to drop, a men's revolution, to adapt to this new order of things. I'm not holding my breath.